through thick and thin
by x.Consumed.by.love.x
Summary: WHat if ALice were in the mental ward for anarexia? How would Rosalie Feel about that?  What if Rosalie Had  a diary. * Alice and ROsalie*    AH


**I wonder if people think the same way as me,**

**I wonder if they even see things the way I do.**

**Do their brains work differently?**

**Do they feel things differently?**

**This is what I am thinking about as I sit in the waiting room of the local hospital. **

**I'm fine, it's my sister.**

**I think she's going to get admitted again. **

**I hope she does.**

**It's a horrible thing to think,**

**But I can't handle her at home anymore.**

**She has a problem. **

**She doesn't eat. Ever.**

**When she does, she's purposely puking it back up.**

**Anorexic.**

**At first I was worried like the rest of my family;**

**Now I just don't care. **

**This is the third time she's been sent here.**

**Every time she gets sent away my whole family gets depressed and goes crazy.**

**I don't get it. **

**Obviously she wants to live her life like this,**

**Why are we getting upset every time?**

**It doesn't make everything better.**

**It doesn't make her eat.**

**If she wants to kill herself she can go right ahead.**

**I'm not trying to stop her anymore**

**It hurts too much. **

Rose

**Sept 11**

**I was right.**

**She is getting admitted.**

**I guess I should be happy,**

**But I'm not because I have to watch my family go through pain.**

**I'll be fine. **

**I stopped caring after the second time she got admitted.**

**Don't get me wrong.**

**I love her, **

**And I guess somewhere deep down I worry for her;**

**You can't fix some one who doesn't want to be fixed. **

**I realized this after me and her had a fight over that very statement.**

"_**Alice, please you have to eat something." I pleaded.**_

_**Rachel was sitting up in the hospital bed glaring at me. **_

"_**Rose, stop it. I don't want to. It's my life!" she looks down as the tears start to fall down her face.**_

"_**It may be your life to live, but it's our life to miss" I whispered looking her right in the eye as I get closer to her.**_

_**She allows me to put my hand on her shoulder before pushing me away and yelling at me. **_

"_**YOU CAN'T FIX SOME ONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE FIXED" **_

**I don't think she expected me to take her words to heart but I did.**

**I felt it was the only way I could help her.**

**That at least someone was listening to her; **

**Whether that was the part I was supposed to listen to or not…**

**I don't care.**

**She doesn't want my help.**

**What's the point wasting my time?**

**No one understands this theory of mine.**

"_**You're being so cold Rose!" mother was crying on the couch… again.**_

"_**No I'm not; I'm just being realistic" I mutter while crossing my arms and staring at the table.**_

"_**Is it because we're not paying enough attention to you? Is that it?"**_

"_**Oh don't you pin this on me! It's her all her!" **_

_**Really how hard is that for people to understand?**_

"_**I'm sorry?" **_

_**Oh my gosh,**_

_**Do I really have to explain everything?**_

"_**Yes, it's sad she's in the hospital, and yes of course I'm worried about her"- **_

"_**Then what's the problem?" **_

"_**Well if you'd let me finish instead of interrupting me every thirty seconds I could tell you!" I scream at her. Just once, I wish things like this weren't always pinned on me. **_

_**Dad loses his job… I get grounded because of my attitude about it.**_

_**Mom breaks a nail… I get criticized because I was the one who made her bite it off.**_

_**Sister gets sent to a psych ward… I get yelled at because I'm not sad enough.**_

_**Where does that make any sense?**_

"_**As I was saying, she doesn't want people trying to fix her, why are we wasting our time?" I say shrugging my shoulders.**_

"_**Rose, she's you're sister!" **_

"_**Yes, she is. Which means it's going to hurt more when I bend over backwards trying to help her and she doesn't get any better" **_

_**Mom shakes her head at me her eyes now concerned as if she's finally starting to understand my thoughts. Pfft. She doesn't understand a damn thing!**_

"_**Rose, we all are going to go through that… together" she starts to put her arms around me. **_

_**I shrug out of her reach. **_

"_**No we're not, because I'm not going to even start to feel bad!" I shout running out the house. **_

**That was the last day me and mom ever had a true conversation.**

**Sure we say hello to each other and ask how we're doing…**

**But neither of us really cares what the other has to say.**

**Or at least that's the way it seems for me.**

**We just don't see things the same way,**

**Makes things awkward.**

**I don't really care. **

**Because to be honest the only person I really care about my self.**

Rose

**Sept 14**

**Things have been really busy at my house, **

**People are dropping by with fruit baskets and casserole dishes.**

**If I didn't know any better I would think it's because someone died.**

**Maybe they don't know how to behave around us because she's in a mental ward and think it's better to bring us food and get us fat. **

**Or maybe they don't have any hope at all for my sister and are just bringing food early in case they're busy when she dies. **

**I don't know. **

**I don't really care.**

**I don't talk to any of the people when they come here.**

**It's not like they are here for me.**

**They're here for my sister.**

**I don't get it. **

**She's not here.**

**Probably wont be here for a while.**

**What are they doing throwing a party for someone who isn't even here?**

**Are they happy she's gone?**

**Or are they just trying to make us feel better?**

**I'd go with the last one. **

**It sounds better.**

**It doesn't matter what the reason, **

**This party isn't making me feel better at all.**

**I doubt it's making the rest of my family happy either.**

**It's just taking up the time they usually use to cry.**

**Maybe in some people's eyes that's a good thing. **

**Not mine. **

**If you'd ever met my mom. **

**You'd say she needs to cry.**

**Because when she's upset if she's not crying… **

**She's screaming.**

**This is why this 'party' is ending. **

**She yelled at someone who broke one of her dishes.**

**The one thing I like about her…**

**She sure knows how to clear a room.**

Rose

**Sept 16**

**We're visiting Alice today. **

**My parents are excited.**

**Not me**

**I'm worried.**

**What if she's not doing any better and my family shows up to see her expecting her to be good. **

**What if she's worse?**

**I tried talking to my mother about this.**

**I tried explaining to her that we should wait until she's been in their for a month. **

**Or at least leave me home.**

**My mom just got mad and said that I was just trying to have all the attention on me.**

**So now here I am in the back seat of my brother's Volvo on the way to the hospital to see my sick anorexic sister.**

**SOUNDS LIKE BUNCHES OF FUN!**

**Not**

**She's probably not doing good at all, she's probably going to give up and die.**

**I know. I shouldn't be thinking like that.**

**But I'm just done with trying to see the good in things.**

**It only ends up making you more angry and upset when you discover the bad things.**

**It's like working your whole life at only viewing light to be smacked in the face with a GINORMOUS shadow. **

**You feel betrayed. **

**Nothing is worse then betrayal. **

**At least in my opinion.**

**Because to have betrayal you have to trust first.**

**Then something happens to make you lose that trust.**

**Trust is everything to me.**

Rose

**Sept 16**

**What did I tell you?**

**When we got there,**

**She was the same way as before.**

**All skinny and unresponsive.**

**She wouldn't even look at anyone.**

**She just stared at her boring flannel sheets the whole two hours we were there. **

**She got worse.**

**How did anyone expect her to get better in like a week?**

**I certainly didn't.**

**To be truthfully honest. **

**I didn't expect her to get better at all.**

**Mom was a wreck on the way home. Crying and shaking. **

**Dad he just was monotone. **

**A robot.**

**That's how dad gets when he's extremely upset or mad.**

**He just clenches his teeth together and stares off. **

**Imagine how scary it is to have someone like that drive you around for two hours.**

**Yes, I forgot to mention we drove two hours for nothing.**

**Hello. **

**Waste of gas.**

**Gosh my parents are so stupid.**

**I don't know what's going on with me lately… I'm so negative about everything. **

Rose

**Sept 17**

**People at school know about My sister. **

**FUCKING SUCKS. **

**Rayne. **


End file.
